Thinking Of You
by Wonder Squint
Summary: Grace contemplates while she experiences her first real intimacy with Craig. Realising some things she never wanted to. One-Shot. Set Season 3


_Summary: Grace contemplates while she experiences her first real intimacy with Craig. Realising some things she never wanted to. One-Shot. Set Season 3_

_Copyright: I Own Nothing._

* * *

**THINKING OF YOU**

* * *

He pulled her up to her apartment after their date. She expected nothing more than a simple goodnight kiss as they stood at her door. To be completely honest, she didn't want more than that. For now, anything else would have felt like treachery. If she allowed him to take them both further into the dimly lit bedroom, she would be betraying her own heart.

Grace's heart knew what it wanted and needed, but her mind won every single battle. Forcing the beautiful redhead to believe that this is what's best for her… and for him. There it was again. Thoughts of him clouded her mind as her new boyfriend continued to plaster lustful kisses along the smooth, toned skin at her delicate neck and collarbone.

It wasn't until the hand movements up her sides and his lips froze, pulling back to look at her, that she realised she had let it go too far. Grace was ready to tell him that she wasn't ready but then she remembered something. He had moved on. He was dating other women. He agreed to them being friends and oh, did that hurt. For a moment, Grace had wanted Rigsby to become hypnotised once again, and with Jane's help, allow him to do whatever he wanted - just once - so she would know.

If the 'experiment' was unsuccessful to her needs and desires, she would force herself to move on, like she believed he had. If she only knew that at that moment, while Craig O'Laughlin searched her eyes for any hope of… well, anything really, that Wayne Rigsby was in his own apartment, sleeping peacefully in bed, dreaming of nothing more nor less than the future he could have had with Grace Van Pelt.

They would find a way to work together somehow. Rigsby would ask Grace to marry him. Grace would say yes. They would have children. Love and protect them like they had each other for many years. Die happy… together. Rigsby had moved on? How ridiculous.

Did Grace truly and genuinely believe that? Of course not. She knew with great certainty that Rigsby would love her with everything he had until the day he died, regardless of their circumstances. He had told her many a time while they were together, never letting her forget to remember that he loved her and only her. Unlike Grace, Rigsby would never betray their love with someone else. Sure, he dated other women, but he never slept with them. He dropped them off at their home and headed off to his own… alone.

Rigsby always had hope that whenever he returned home late, that the woman he thought of as his true home, would be there waiting for him. Ready to pick up where they left off. If he had a new girlfriend, she would be out of his life before Grace could tell him she loved him and that she was sorry. He didn't commit, nor did he lead on that he would, because that hope remained constant in his mind. When he woke up, when he saw her at work, when he went on raids, when he returned home and while he slept, it floated to every space in his head and stayed there, permanently fixed upon his world. His world without Grace Van Pelt by his side.

And she knew all this. She knew he would do anything if it meant they were back together, because Wayne Rigsby is a real man. He's the kind of man who little girls dream of marrying when they are older. He's the man she'll love forever. She is the great love of his life, and he is the great love of her's.

"Grace?" O'Laughlin's voice escaped and interrupted her in thought. She looked at him, finally becoming aware that his shirt was open completely, revealing his toned and well-defined chest.

He spoke again. "You okay?"

Grace's eyes drifted from his and scanned the room. Moments passed and she looked at him again. She pushes his shirt from his shoulders slowly, as his hand's remained locked at her waist. He lets her examine him, her eyes and hands floating over his chest, slowly and gently. He was impressive, quite fetching as the moonlight illuminated through the glass of each window and grazed upon the skin there.

She was unaware of one of his hands netting it's way through her auburn curls as they dangled over her shoulders and down her back. His hand softly caressed the nape of her neck. She gasped and she suddenly pulled away. Grace stood in the doorway while O'Laughlin remained still and confused.

Rigsby had touched her there. In fact, he touched her everywhere but that particular spot was discovered to be quite sensitive by him alone. It was his. Only he could sooth the sharp tension there. She wouldn't allow O'Laughlin, or any other man for that matter to do so. Not that they would be successful, but nonetheless, she'd honour her ex-lover that much.

O'Laughlin quickly apologized and continued to remain in the middle of her bedroom at the foot of her large bed. She appreciated the fact that he was decent and understanding in some ways. Grace also appreciated that of all the women he could have had, he chose her. She didn't know why, but she suspected because of the way she looks. She didn't know how he felt about her. If she were to be honest, she didn't really care.

Grace was startled in thought then. She didn't care about his feelings? Who had she become? First, she tears the heart and soul of Wayne Rigsby - the man she loved - apart by ending their relationship by saying "I love the job more." Second, by allowing herself to betray her own heart and third, throwing a blind eye and impertinent nod to a courteous man's feelings. Is this what had become of her? A woman so broken that she defies her own logical and emotional morals.

Yes, she had become the person she never wanted to be. Is this what lack of feeling did to her? It was. Grace needed sentiment and passion and something. Something… anything to help her, but she knew that only one thing could rid her of this insufferable and shattered stranger: Wayne Rigsby. Grace needed him, now more than ever but she couldn't have him. That was the cruel fact that bled into her desires each day and night.

She sighed and closed her eyes. A single tear escaped from that rare and beautiful colour that made her eyes so mesmerising.

Tonight. She'd settle for 'second best'.

Grace stepped closer and reached forward, grabbing his bare shoulders and harshly pulled their bodies together. Their lips attaching vehemently.

The dress she wore and his trousers were lost among the times where his lips caressed her chest and neck, and where her hand gripped his head and nails dug into his back. He gripped her hips and twirled her, so that her back faced the foot of the bed. His chest pressed into hers as he placed her onto the mattress. He slid down with her with his lips again smothering hers. He propped up on his arms to gaze down at the beautiful creature beneath him. O'Laughlin assumed many a time of how much of a fool Rigsby had been to let Grace go so easily. This moment had his assumption confirmed.

Grace was getting impatient and wrapped her legs around his waist while her arms mimicked them around his neck, pulling him down to her.

His arm slid under her back and broke the small amount of space between their now completely naked bodies. He entered her as he heard her sigh deeply. She was feeling. Not unity, happiness, nor love but… acceptance. She was finally accepting that as long as she and Rigsby worked together, they could never again _be _together. She accepted that if she wanted to feel at least something, then Craig would be there and she knew that. She now knew how he felt. Not because he had whispered the words to her while he thrust himself into her time and time again, but because she knew how it felt when someone was making love to another.

No one could compare to the love Wayne had made to her in their many nights of unity. His love had literally worn her out. It was so overwhelming, so awe-inspiring, so… amazing that it weakened everything she had. Once again, she reminded herself of something she would always long for.

Nonetheless, Craig had made love to her because he loved her.

Craig O'Laughlin, the FBI agent who had fallen in love with the CBI agent much too late, because she had already given her heart, body and soul to her fellow CBI agent, Wayne Rigsby. O'Laughlin knew that Grace would never love him, at least not in the way she loved Rigsby or the way he wanted.

After two and a half years, Grace was becoming slightly like Jane - to everyone's dismay and irritancy. She was becoming more perceptive to people's emotions and such. She knew that O'Laughlin was also a real man, and he would settle for just being her boyfriend, because he loved her and would take what he could get. He knew that he wasn't the man Grace Van Pelt wanted. It broke his heart to come to terms with that fact but he did it anyway.

Their breath was difficult to maintain, sweat drizzled down their foreheads, and their limbs became weak and immobile as their climax came to an end.

He collapsee at her side as she regained enough strength to rise slightly, take his face in her hands and press her lips softly to his. "Thank you." she said simply.

O'Laughlin smiled and gently rubbed her bare back and pulling a strand of red hair from her eyes. "You're welcome." he whispered.

He fell asleep after that. Grace joined him a few moments later. It had been a long day, for her body and mind but especially her the weight of all this, she was exhausted. She was incapable of loving another man and she didn't want to either. She was hurting both Wayne and Craig. What a heartbreaker Grace Van Pelt had turned out to be.

* * *

_Okay! So crap right? Awk well, I just wanted to write a little something dealing with the O'Laughlin business. Please Review._


End file.
